Why am I Here?

This is not a deep search for the solution the meaning of life, the universe, and everything. As the savvy ones know, that answer is forty‑two.

It is about the question I sometimes ask myself when I am in the beginning of a new venture or adventure when a sense of misadventure begins to overshadow earlier enthusiasm.

This is about my foray into Zumba.

This is rather about just moving from day to day and simply to try to feel better physically.

Several years ago, I was diagnosed with Gastroesophageal reflux disease. I tried various medications with disastrous results. The H2 blockers and proton pump inhibitors triggered severe muscle and joint pain along diminished functioning.

I was never very flexible to begin with, but the medications made things worse. I stopped the medications. Over time, the effects diminished, but were still troublesome.

Early in 2008, a doctor told me I should take up Yoga in an attempt to get some relaxation in my muscles and help moderate my chronic tiredness. I started this soon thereafter. The classes have been good for me. I am experiencing increases in flexibility. I am also appreciating the need to continue the classes to keep improving.

I decided to look for an aerobic movement type class to compliment the Yoga. My reasoning was that moderate to intense aerobics would improve joint movement. This would also get me to exercise more days per week.

I have a hypothesis that my body is what it practices to be. So if I have an injury that causes immobility for a while, I am practicing that. Unless I am aware, I’ll never recover. This may be simplistic, but good enough for now. So, if I practice movement and poses, then my body will respond in a beneficial way.

Anyway, I thought I’d give Zumba a try. This a free class with membership at the Neenah‑Menasha, WI YMCA.

Now I do have a problem. I can become self‑conscious to an extreme. It is not that I am paranoid about others watching me. It is me that is doing the watching.

I walked into the class, and the trouble started. The class just began. There were many people present as part of the New Year’s resolution crowd. The music was loud. I couldn’t see the instructor. I had no idea what to do. There were no colored dots on the floor. I faced the prospect that I would be a stump.

There were late comers so at least I wasn’t the last, but I stayed in a position close to the door. I did get glimpses of the instructor and kind of heard the instructions, but still felt lost. I kind of did a few things, and sort of got into a groove.

That’s when the question started rattling around the inside of my skull. The idea of jumping ship started. I would finish this one class and not return. My earlier good intentions were gone.

I had to address the idea that I chose this as a way to get some fluidity into my movements. It was an experiment, and one class would not be sufficient to test the hypothesis. This was also testing some inflexibility in my personality. That idea had not occurred to me before I started. But, there it was.

I have a heresy of sorts. I don’t look at a mind‑body connection. I see the mental and physical as being a continuum. Even if I would consider them separate entities, they still occupy the same container and interact as one. Flexibility and stiffness permeate the whole. If I want to loosen my joints, I have to loosen my attitude and conversely.

Plus, I sometimes get this bizarre notion that I should begin a project with the same skills and knowledge that only come with practice. But, it is natural that with a venture like this, that I won’t know what I am doing at the start. That will take time. I think the process is called learning. Learning requires practice. It is a mind‑body venture.

I have continued with the classes. They can be enjoyable even when I am innovative with the steps. And, I intend to keep up the classes. Maybe I’ll get a flexibility of attitude to compliment a loosening of joints. It is a unified venture.